Maybe Just Maybe Can We?

Can we go back:

  • to the time when my biggest worry was hiding my blushing face from your inquisitive eyes?
  • to the moment we first looked at each others’ eyes?
  • to that unexpected kiss?
  • to early morning annoying wake up calls?
  • to when the our burning issue was what to order for dinner?
  • to the time when we were too drunk to care about what others thought of us?
  • to the place where we thought it ended but actually it began?
  • to the night we gazed at the sky searching for stars?
  • to the place we first met?
  • to the times I waited , because you said you will come and you did?
  • to the roof-top when everything seemed perfect and beautiful like a fairy tale?
  • to the evenings we used to walk around just so that we would have more time to spend with each other?
  • to the time we danced in each others’ arms?
  • to the days we lived in that moment?

But most of all!

Can we go back to when we agreed to part ways hoping that either one of us would call to the other but neither one did? After all these years the unspoken words still linger in my heart…. Would we have been able to alter the time if at least one of us had spoken up?

soul mate grow apart Can we go back and be one?

Can we go back to the time when we realized that unspoken words have more potential to kill a person emotionally than spoken words… ?

Was the all the pain and suffering worth it? The sleepless nights crying, hugging the pillow for warmth and wondering how it would have turned out. Would we have married? Would we have had kids? We would never know because we never gave us a chance. When the journey together got tough we decided it would be easier to travel alone, hence we shook hands and parted ways, each of us going in the opposite direction. That was the end of US.

Afterwards it was only me, myself and I.

By myself, I was able to go fast, but there was no one to share it with, no one to catch me or laugh at me when I fall, no one to argue with, no one to tease me and no one to love me for my good & bad alike. Even after reaching my desired destination I did not feel the satisfaction because I left the person who genuinely cared about me, my success and failure. I learned to moved on but held on to our memories.

They say “what does not kill you makes you stronger”, I think that it is more like, what does not kill you makes you numb to it after sometime, hence you don’t feel the pain unless something triggers it.

After all these years, I realized that there is no going back. No matter how much I wish I can never go back and change what happened. It was not fate, it was what we decide. We wrote our own fate. Many blames what happens on destiny. In my view destiny or fate brought us together but it was us who decided to throw it out of the back door. I am the author of my own destiny, only I can change it’s course. Destiny did not make us part ways, we did. It was not destiny that made me walk away with a crippling heart, it was my ego. I know that both of us were waiting for the other one to say how we love and need each other but instead we walked away as if it was a casual fling. I guess neither one of us realized that we would never get a second chance, that we could never go back!

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Even after a decade, I still remember the day we met, how I felt when we were together, your face after the first kiss, how you looked into my eyes and the list goes on and on. I am sure that one day after I am gone even my grand kids would know about you because you have covered many pages in my journal.

I still wonder whether you remember the endless conversions we had? Do you remember when we became more than friends? Do you remember how you used to tease me? Do you remember the fights we had because of our possessiveness of each other?

We both would remember the days of struggle, the times we gave up on each other and decided to quit, that was the last time I saw you and the last time we met.

We can not go back, but maybe just maybe that was not the last time, maybe some day there would be a next time and just maybe can we go back?

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Strangers then, Strangers Now!- Part 1 (Her Version)

In Life we come across many Strangers. While most remain as strangers,forgotten and never knowing that they existed, there are few others who end up becoming important, and end up meaning a lot to you. They touch your heart and soul. They make night sky more beautiful to look at, stars appear out of nowhere and make heart feel what it is supposed to feel. 

But sadly they only stay in your lives for a little while, leave footprints (and sometimes scars too) on your heart and your never ever the same (in worse case scarred for the rest of eternity).

However, at the end of the day it was all worth it. Life it worth living because of these moments that take your breath away.  

It all starts as….

Strangers – Girl meets Boy                                girl

The day began as any normal day, little did She know of what is in store for her. As usual woke up, got ready and left to campus. It would have been a normal, if one thing in particular had not happened. She does not believe in “love at first sight” but have the tendency to develop serious “crushes at first sight”.

She seldom goes to the bakery nearby the campus, but on this very day She stops by the bakery since She wanted to munch something, and little did She know that She would come face to face with the “cute” guy from the new batch.

This was quite unexpected but a sweet surprise. He introduced himself, few words were exchanged, bid farewell and went in their separate ways.

That day would have been a quite ordinary day had She not stopped by the bakery.

Strangers – Friend on Facebook

Facebook = the well known search engine to find info about crushes and potential partners

She search for him on Facebook, goes through the posts and photos, only one question in her mind “is he single or not?”. Through extensive searching, establish the belief that he seems to be single and send a friend request. To her delight He accepted it immediately.

Friends – Friends but not really              

She sees him, but never get a chance to have an actual conversation. Neither is She in his batch, nor mutual friends, nor classes together, absolutely nothing in common. But all hope was not lost thanks to online chatting.Thank heavens to the digital era, especially to Mark Zuckerberg, She and He started their conversation through chat, hence initiating the first step.

Friends – Actual Friends

She sees him, a war inside the head, a war between the heart and the brain. The brain says, ” Just smile and go” while the Heart says, “Nooo… Damn! He looks soo cute! GO GO! Talk with him!” As always The Heart wins, She stops by, feeling a bit awkward, but within minutes the conversation flows freely. Kudos to The Heart!

As time pass by She and He became really good friends, conversations become intense, time they spend with each other continues to increase exponentially. Its like days have suddenly become brighter.

She truly loves him as a friend. She loves his teasing nature and really enjoys it. She sees the man beneath the surface, realizing that He is person with

But She has this feeling that He is something more than other friends. It is becoming increasingly difficult to shadow the feeling with term “Friends”

Friendship is a meaningful bond between people that care for each other. She knows that once the next step is taken there is absolutely no way of going back! “Is that a risk She is willing to take?” she asks herself, knowing that the answer is NO!

She makes up her mind bury “The Feelings”!

she and he

Valentine’s Day Special: Be my Valentine.. or Not!

February is regarded as the month of “Love” and we all know why….

Valentine’s day is around the corner, a day loved by some while a day dreaded by others.

Everywhere we can see Valentine’s day offers and promotions, personally my facebook home page is filled with “Gifts for her/him” posts, inbox is filled with Valentine’s day promotions/offers and party mails and the list goes on and on. While I believe that it is really sweet to spend the Valentine’s day with your loved one, the sad part is most Valentine’s day enthusiasts (who celebrate Valentines day in a grand scale) have forgotten the true meaning of Love.

It is evident that Valentine’s day has become very commercialized hence I shall re-phrase February as “commercially” the month of Love!

I have always thought that there was something not quite write about this Valentine’s day Theory (I am not anti-Valentine but I am anti-commercialized Valentine).

The pressure to plan and execute the Perfect Valentine’s for your loved one can drive a person crazy and once all that is done, if it was not up to the expected standard of the receiving party, your officially doomed! (Better Luck next year buddy!) References will be made to the mishaps that day throughout the year and you will be officially responsible for making the Day of Love and Happiness to a Day of Tragedy and Depression.

Even if things turn out to be super duper awesome at Valentine’s day celebrations, then there is pressure to make even more fantastic next year.. (Oh Hell NO!!)

Either way you lose (unless you and your better-half shares similar views on Valentine’s day).

I don’t even want to comment on the depression caused to the Singles (IMO The Lucky ones)  during Valentine’s season.

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Valentine’s day symbolizes Love. A day with great historic importance but sadly now it has become time of the year for Gift shops, florists and restaurants to increase their revenue.

May of us have forgotten that Love is NOT restricted to a specific day. You don’t need a specific day surprise her with a Rose or a day to show that you care.

Love is everything you want it to be.

It is a tight hug when you’re feeling low. It is simple “I miss you” when your better-half is away. It is a Good morning to show that your darling is the first person you remembered as soon as you woke up. It is promise that everything will be all right when evidently everything  is not alright. It is about looking forward to meeting your beloved. It can be anything to show how much you care.

Love is NOT appearing on the Valentines day with a dozen roses and chocolate boxes. Love is NOT taking her out for a fancy dinner on Valentines day to the most expensive restaurant in town. Love is NOT purchasing the biggest “Be My Valentine” card you can possibly find.

Because when you look back, all you will remember is how you felt, how happy you were and all the little things that means soo much!

Have an Awesome Valentine’s Day!

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Simple Thoughts

Note before reading: To be frank there is no objective of this, I am just thinking out loud.. 

LIFE! 

What is life? Is it living? Is it surving? The way i see, live is a span of time for which we are allowed to be on this Earth. When the hour glass of Life ends, its good bye time for this current lfie. As a Buddhist I believe in Re-incarnation)

We are not defined by the number of years we live, buy what we have done during our life time. Something that I truly belive is that what we do ourselves dies with us, but what we do for others remains even after we are gone. 

No one is perfect, every one makes mistakes, every one makes wrong turns once in awhile, sometimes knowingly sometimes unknowingly and by the time you realise its too late for you to turn back. Things will never be the same as it was before. No matter how much you want them to be the same as before. A broken mirror will have scars even if it is fixed. The wounds will heal but the scars wont. Regret will always be a flash back in your mind.

 Are these deeds enough to lable a person as good or bad. Every one sees the surface and can make judgements out of it.. Only a very rarely you will find people who will take the extra mile to walk in your shoes and truly understand you.

 

My One true Love

Mainly thanks to the Disney movies and most of other movies, we are all very familiar with the phrase “one true love”. I know that most of us have embarked on the quest to find your “one true love”.

For a while you think think that he or she is my one true love and the next moment your like “what the hell!”. One thing guaranteed in this quest is the heartbreak, disappointment and  depression.

In my opinion “my one true love” is the person who will be there with me and for me always. A person who i can be with after everything I have been throughout the day, A person who does not judge me for who I am. I person that loves me just the way I am and who will cross even the seven sea just to be with me. For years I have been searching for this person, not realizing that I have had this person in my life even before I was born to this world.

My one true love is my Mother. She is the person in this world who loves me unconditionally without any expectations. My happiness is her happiness, my sorrow is her sorrow. Without her I am not me. Without her love I may not have survived. Whenever I feel like giving up, she is always there to help me get back up. She helps me to overcome my moments of weakness.

Looking back, there are countless times that I have disagreed with her, thought that she was wrong, but now I see that she had been right all along and think “if only I had listened to her”.

She is the Angel in my life and I am truly grateful that she is my Mother. She is my One True Love!

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing

When I was young I thought that “I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing” was used to refer to a person who was in coma. Well technically that is true, but as I grew older I realized that there is a deeper meaning to this which is way beyond a physical condition of health.

When your happy you don’t feel time passing by, you feel that your on top of the world and in simple you feel that life is perfect. This does not necessarily mean that you have no worries but you tend to forget about them and move on and live life to the fullest. Enjoy every aspect of it.

In most instances its one person who enters into your live that makes you feel that life is worth living. You feel that your complete, sort of like finding the last missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle. You start to see the picture clearly and wonder how you were able to live without that Him (or Her).

He will become the most prominent person in your life even without your knowledge. Before long you will start to forget how your life was without Him. Its as if you have known Him forever. Even when your not with Him you will wish that He was with you. The songs that you listen to will remind you of him. Basically everything around you, what you do, what you feel will be related to Him.

EVERYTHING IS PERFECT! You think that nothing could possibly go wrong!

Alas! Something always goes wrong..!

Something happens and disaster strikes. Things are not the same as it used to be. Thus end of your Perfect world. You exactly can’t pin point whats wrong, but sure that everything is not right. Sometimes even if you knew whats wrong, the damage is already done and there is no humanly possible way of fixing it.

All those wonderful memories, which you used to cherish now haunt you day and night. All those long conversations you had, which you used to re-read and smile, reminds you of the  wonderful time in the past. Listening to all the songs that reminds you of him and the bond you had will surely make your eyes tear.

Once again you have lost the last missing piece that made your life complete. You want to go back to the life you had, before He came along but you can’t remember how it was. Even if you finally remembered and moved back to that life, you will be more depressed because it would be a very dull life and constantly you will compare your life with him and without him.

Even though your heart broken inside, emotionally torn apart and shattered into millions of pieces, you still have to face the rest of the world, go to work, talk with people etc.

The way I realized  “I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing”, means that even though you have lost the sole purpose of living, you have to continue with life. Surely it will be difficult and at times impossible (you will prefer nothing better than to cuddle up on your bed and never leave it).

But you have to remember is that as everything else life goes on!

Of course with time the wounds will heal leaving the scars behind. Some wounds will take more time, while some will not heal at all, but you will learn to live with them. Once again you will be able to look back on life, go down the memory lane and be happy that He was part of your life and made you the person your today.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held so long

‘The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held so long”  Quote

Life is full of ups and downs.. This is exactly what makes life worthwhile living.. Once a friend of mine told me that if lit weren’t for the so called “downs” in life, we will never learn to truly appreciate and value the “ups” that we come across. In simple its these bad times that make us really feel how wonderful life is when the good things happen.

However when the worse (in my case worsest) happens to us, we always tend to think “why me?” “what have I done to deserve this?” and we tend to give up, we never see tend to see the “big picture”.

Its mostly the bad experiences in life that makes a person strong, teach him/her to face the worst fears and to get back up. Through my personal experience I know that if it weren’t for those dark moments in the past, I would not be who I am today.

We learn by seeing what happens to others, but what better way is there, than learning from your experience. You can either live life safely, that is to take a straight path with out any barriers or a path that you make for yourself. This can be very tough and at times you will really feel like giving up (believe me when say that I have felt like that countless number of times).

Giving up is easy, holding on is difficult. It takes a lot of determination and courage to not to give up, but to keep fighting. The way I see, the most common cause of suicide is because they give up on life. But if they had the patience to hold on for a bit more, surely they would have seen the sunshine through the dark clouds.

Always remember that today is the tomorrow, that you were grieving about yesterday.

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