When I was young I thought that “I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing” was used to refer to a person who was in coma. Well technically that is true, but as I grew older I realized that there is a deeper meaning to this which is way beyond a physical condition of health.
When your happy you don’t feel time passing by, you feel that your on top of the world and in simple you feel that life is perfect. This does not necessarily mean that you have no worries but you tend to forget about them and move on and live life to the fullest. Enjoy every aspect of it.
In most instances its one person who enters into your live that makes you feel that life is worth living. You feel that your complete, sort of like finding the last missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle. You start to see the picture clearly and wonder how you were able to live without that Him (or Her).
He will become the most prominent person in your life even without your knowledge. Before long you will start to forget how your life was without Him. Its as if you have known Him forever. Even when your not with Him you will wish that He was with you. The songs that you listen to will remind you of him. Basically everything around you, what you do, what you feel will be related to Him.
EVERYTHING IS PERFECT! You think that nothing could possibly go wrong!
Alas! Something always goes wrong..!
Something happens and disaster strikes. Things are not the same as it used to be. Thus end of your Perfect world. You exactly can’t pin point whats wrong, but sure that everything is not right. Sometimes even if you knew whats wrong, the damage is already done and there is no humanly possible way of fixing it.
All those wonderful memories, which you used to cherish now haunt you day and night. All those long conversations you had, which you used to re-read and smile, reminds you of the wonderful time in the past. Listening to all the songs that reminds you of him and the bond you had will surely make your eyes tear.
Once again you have lost the last missing piece that made your life complete. You want to go back to the life you had, before He came along but you can’t remember how it was. Even if you finally remembered and moved back to that life, you will be more depressed because it would be a very dull life and constantly you will compare your life with him and without him.
Even though your heart broken inside, emotionally torn apart and shattered into millions of pieces, you still have to face the rest of the world, go to work, talk with people etc.
The way I realized “I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing”, means that even though you have lost the sole purpose of living, you have to continue with life. Surely it will be difficult and at times impossible (you will prefer nothing better than to cuddle up on your bed and never leave it).
But you have to remember is that as everything else life goes on!
Of course with time the wounds will heal leaving the scars behind. Some wounds will take more time, while some will not heal at all, but you will learn to live with them. Once again you will be able to look back on life, go down the memory lane and be happy that He was part of your life and made you the person your today.
Arosha Srimali 